My interest was particularly peaked because of recent conversations I’ve been having with someone very dear to me, on the same subject.  We’ve agreed to end the trend of gossip by being mindful of our conversations.  However, in ending the trend, I’ve been sorting out in my mind what constitutes gossip.  The reason for this is because I live all the way across the country from most of my family and long time friends and it is common for me to ask about the well-being of family members, friends and pets.  Is this okay, or is it gossip?   When in doubt, turn to the dictionary …

Funk & Wagnalls Dictionary:  “1.  Idle, often malicious talk, esp. about others. 2.  Informal talk or writing, as of personages (other people). 3.  A person who indulges in idle talk.  To talk idly or maliciously about others.” 

It’s the “idle” part that got to me the most.  In those informal (idle) conversations that start out with an innocent question about how so-and-so is feeling, doing or whatever, it is almost inevitable that an opinion slips its ugly self into the conversation, and viola! — we got gossip.  A light bulb went off.  For me, asking one person about someone else is really a backdoor conversation, which is really a conversation that needs to be happening between me and the person I’m asking about.  After all, if I want to know how my someone is, I need to call that someone which would eliminate the opportunity for gossip.

Victoria Moran offers this insight in her book Lit from Within:

A spiritual teacher once instructed a class I was in to spend two weeks refusing to discuss anyone who was not present.  It was like being issued a gag order.  What do you talk about when you can’t talk about other people?  You gravitate, I learned toward ideas, issues, art and aspirations.

After the detox period of not discussing other people at all, we were told we could add back into our conversations references to their good qualities, their accomplishments, and their general goings-on.  After the period of abstinence, however, class members were acutely  aware of how even complements can turn catty in not time when the person in question is not in the room.  For example: “Jane looked great today, didn’t she?  Andi ti’s so hard for someone with her body type to look good in clothes.”  The lesson:  let gossip stop before it gets to you lips, and be on guard any time you’re talking about a third person.  When in doubt, don’t.”

I am now on the Gossip Detox Program and am calling friends and family more than ever — and I am loving it!  I hear first hand how people I love are doing, bonds are stronger and ties are tighter.   If I’m out of minutes, there is email, Facebook and of course, the Blue Woman Blog!  

Join me on the journey.

Namaste,

Melissa (a.k.a. the Blue Woman)

More to come!

I haven’t written in a while, but need to take some time to give you all an update on what’s going on in my life.  I am having so much FUN, and it all happened quite by accident while I’ve been on my self-imposed sabbatical. 

In May I signed up for a clay workshop with a local artist, Justine Ferreri of Creations by Justine.  We made table top fountains — check out the pictures!  Mine is constructed of earthenware clay formed into two shells, with a mermaid perched on top, like she’s getting ready to swim down into the shell below.  It is so cool, and it works!  It bubbles away in my bathroom when I’m relaxing with a well earned glass of wine, soft music and a hot bubble bath at the end of any day I choose.  It’s a delicious indulgence that I highly recommend.  Anyway, back to the point of this blog ….

While my mermaid may look a bit like Michael Phelps in feminine sea-creature drag (no offense to Michael, just to my elementary-level sculpting skills), it was so much fun to form, sculpt, fire, glaze and assemble my first clay creation, I can barely put it into words.  The entire process was healing as I molded the clay, formed the body, glazed and experienced the color changes once my work was fired in the kiln.  Since this first class, I’ve also made an elephant tea pot, complete with six mugs that someone actually wanted to purchase — LOL!  What’s more, during this experience, I have built my ordained group exponentially.  I’ve met new men and women who live and work nearby, others who are on their own journey and maybe just passing through, and I have a new “soul-sister”, Justine, the Goddess Empress of Clay, owner of the Gallery and Studio – and am now WORKING for her!

That’s right … the Blue Woman is working.  I guess that puts me a bit off my sabbatical plan, but not really since I’m consulting and working my own hours from here, there and everywhere — and I still get to go to the beach whenever I want to, and whenever it is not raining.  The Blue Woman Fifth Chakra Healing Project has been an entire process for clarity, truth, speaking with my own voice (fifth chakra stuff), experiencing wellness and doing something I really truly love.  Working with Justine,  allows me to help a female business owner, best of all, an artist … yahoo!  I am creating, laughing, singing show tunes, because Justine is a show tune buff and meeting new people everyday.  

Opportunity continues to knock on the door of the Blue Woman.  The owner of the building that Justine’s gallery is in has approached me about building their website, I’ve been asked to do a painting for a non-profit auction and I will be joining a creative partnership group the end of the month.  WOW!  I’m going with the flow, opening myself to the world, to the Sacred and to others.  Join me.

What do you love to do?  Are you living your purpose, your message?  Let me encourage you, live on purpose.  Live out loud.

Namaste loved ones.  – The Blue Woman

The keynote speaker was introduced by a wonderful young man, Dayna Perry, from the CIS state organization who quoted from Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of  “A Course in Miracles:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

It was like God was speaking to me through Danya, so I personalized this to read every morning as I develop new and healthy habits.  Try it on for yourself, or customize it in a way that makes sense for you:

Me:  Oh God, I confess, my deepest fear is not that I am inadequate — okay, maybe part of it is, but really I know You are in me, and that I am your child.  When I keep that in mind, my deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure, and that it is my light, not my darkness that most frightens me.  I ask myself, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

God:  “Actually, who are you not to be powerful beyond measure?  Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?  You are My child, and your playing small does not serve the world.  There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You are meant to shine, as children do — all my children are meant to shine. You were born to make manifest My Glory that is in you, and it is not just in you; it’s in everyone. As you let your light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As you are liberated from your own fear, your presence automatically liberates others.  Be the gift I meant for you to be in this world.”

When I embrace the thought and embody the concept that God is in me, God is the light in me, that I am not alone, then and only then can I be the gift I am meant to be in this world.  It is when I stop paying attention to who I am in Him that I focus on all my inadequacies, and all that is inadequate in others, in the place I live, what I have or don’t have, etc. that I feel like a fraud and succumb to negative thinking. 

Scripture says that, “Fear has torment” and that “perfect love (the love of God) casts out, removes, and puts aside all fear.”  I can attest to this in my life.  My negative mind can easily move into a space of cognitive distortions that bring on fear.  What about you?  Do you get trapped in cognitive distortions like:

• All or none thinking – i.e. failing at something makes me a failure (this is so not true).
• Overgeneralizing – thinking that a single event is an unending pattern of defeat in my life.
• Mental Filters – thoughts that sift through the muck in my mind … like the trunk full of evidence many of us tend to hold against ourselves.  The trunk that is full of everything negative or wrong I’ve ever done, said or thought, and even what others have done, said or thought about me.  It is that one drop of black in a glass of clear water that turns everything dark.
• Disqualifying the positive – when I reject my positive experiences by insisting that “they don’t count” for one reason or another.
• Jumping to conclusions – negatively interpreting something that I have no real facts about, like deciding someone doesn’t like me because of  ________________(fill in the blank) … I am really good at this one.  It is my Eeyore mode.
• Magnifying or Minimizing – magnifying someone else’s qualities while minimizing my own.  Somewhere I read that this is like looking through the big lens of the binoculars at my qualities, and looking through the small lens at others.

Stop it!  STOP it head, mind — think on good things.  Positive things.  Lovely things.  I am the light of God in the world.  Think on this:

“Who are you not to be powerful beyond measure?  Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?  You are My child, you were made in My image, and your playing small does not serve the world.   There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  You are meant to shine, as children do — all my children are meant to shine.  You were born for a reason.  You were born to make manifest My Glory that is in you, and it is not just in you; it’s in everyone.  As you let your light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As you are liberated from your own fear, your presence automatically liberates others.  Be the gift I meant for you to be in this world.”

Namaste for today and everyday.  – The Blue Woman

In the shadow of my past

  I struggled to be noticed.

The truth of what was stolen belied my authenticity

  I was a rubbed off and raw pretender.

I longed to be seen

  I made waves just to swim circles around them.

Invisible me –

  Mourning and clinging to the edges of desperation.

The furious raging in my head, seldom quiet

  Is fought with vengeance.

When it wrangles for attention my assault is brutal 

  Exhausted and spent I sleep, but I win. 

I hoped you would notice my arrival

  The journey has been so perilous.

I was rubbed off and raw.

  Now I am real.

Not so invisible me –

  Laughing, and skimming the edges of greatness.

Celebrate my arrival.  I am poured out for the world.

  Transparent, honest and flawed.

The Blue Woman © 2009

While anyone can choose to mince words with me, deserving is an oblique word.  And in my mind, there is a difference between deserving something based on merit, and simply being worthy.  The word worthy, or worth, speaks to me because it denotes something that is both internal and eternal.  Worth is about being.  Someone or something is worthy simply because it IS.  You and I are, so we are worthy, we are valuable.  We are worthy because of grace.  

In my world, the word “grace” is defined as unmerited favor.  It is not about something I did or said that was right, I didn’t perform in an outstanding way, rather grace is bestowed upon me because of unconditional love, compassion and desire to shower me with kindness.  I am, so I am worthy.   If I mess up and do something bad, or wrong, or really, REALLY wrong and all my imperfections are exposed, love covers me.  I may deserve punishment, but I am forgiven.  I am worthy because of grace and the love that is all wrapped up in unmerited favor.

Unmerited favor comes from God, from within and from others.  Whether someone treats me as though I am worthy has nothing to do with my state of worth in my eyes or in the eyes of my God.  When grace is given to us by another human being it is a wonderful gift.  There is no scorecard, it is not there because it is deserved, or earned, it is there because of choice.  God chose to give us grace … what would life look like if we all got what we deserved? I can’t go there.  I choose to bestow myself with grace because I need to live my PLV, which means I need to love, accept and forgive myself.  My husband covers me with grace in many ways, and in this season it appears as a sabbatical from work that brings money into our home.

In this time, because of the grace of God and of Mike, and not because of anything I’ve ever done, said, thought or dreamt of doing, I am learning my place of worth. 

Worthy me

I am worth it, whatever “it” is

Time off and time spent, this time

Fun here and there

Abundant laughter

Extraordinary love

Nurturing hugs, kisses and words

Trust to give and receive

I am worth it, all of “it”

Family ties that bind and strengthen

Friends alone and together

Passion at the beginning, at the end and in the middle

Love in phenomenal proportions

Investment in every sense of the word

All this and more

I am worthy.

Normally, I go to the doctor within five days of being sick like I am now — which honestly, happens all too often.  I end up going on an antibiotic, kick it and then down the road, end up in the same condition.  Not this time.  This time around, I’ve been in bed, taken over-the-counter healthy remedies and am counting on my own immune system to jump start itself  at some point.  The thing is, having five surgeries within six years and being on the antibiotics and pain killers associated with the procedures has done a number on my immune system.  Because of this, I seem to pick up every case of the crud that comes along — especially if it is related to the upper respiratory system. 

This isn’t my only obstacle.  To top off not feeling well, our renters are moving at the end of the month, which puts financial pressure on me like no body’s business.  My ego and the voice that tells me I should be contributing to our financial well being starts screaming within and I struggle with the head game.  Still, I am confident that a good work has begun in me and I need to see the Blue Woman through her time.

Ring out Tibetan bell in your key of G, I am returning to the Sacred and will find Him in me.